Not The Same
by LupusAmator
Summary: Luffy takes a bath with Zoro for the first time since the two year separation, and finally has the chance to inspect his first mate's body for any changes, some more unpleasant and unwelcome than others.


"Zoro, you have so many new scars."

"Huh?" Zoro didn't bother opening his eyes, sinking lower into the warm, soapy water with a _huff_ instead. "Yeah, well so do you."

To be honest, Zoro wasn't surprised at the serious direction the conversation seemed to be going. He knew something was up the minute Luffy asked - well, pestered - him to take a bath with him, though the fact it was about scars surprised Zoro a little more than he liked. He had always considered himself well attuned with Luffy's sporadic and usually unpredictable nature, though this time he had been caught off guard.

It was unsettling. Had he really lost that tight connection with his captain in those two years spent without him? It was almost too painful to think about.

"Yeah, but..." The sound of uncertainty laced between each word that fell clumsily out of his usually very certain captain had Zoro's one eye lazily inching open. What met him next had him widening the eye even farther.

Luffy, one hand out stretched towards Zoro, fingers centimetres away from Zoro's face, right above his scarred eye, his other hand clutched tightly on the painful-looking starburst scar on his own chest, and his face... Oh _god_ his face. It was a look of anguish so incredibly pain filled that it had even Zoro breathless, and he'd seen his fair share of sad Luffy expressions. He'd thought Luffy's tearful expression when Usopp left the crew had been bad enough, if not the worst he thought he'd see his captain's face display, yet here he was, again surprised with the turn of events.

If not for the hand that splayed over his chest, Zoro would have wondered, no, worried, what it was that Luffy was thinking of that brought him so much agony. But he knew.

Ace. Luffy's irreplaceable big brother, the one who had died in his arms in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of judging eyes. And Zoro hadn't been there, _damnit_, he hadn't been there for the one, most probably only, time his precious captain had needed him most. That hurt. That hurt a lot, especially when Luffy had been there for all the times Zoro had messed up, had been there to push him on with a grin and that infuriatingly contagious _shishishi_ laugh of his that lit up even the darkest of days.

Zoro wasn't an idiot. He knew the others probably felt the same, actually he _knew_ they felt the same, since all eyes had fallen onto their captain's clearly displayed new addition to his numerous scars, and all eyes had been the same: regret. Guilt. Pain.

Once the hype of reuniting had died down and the excitement had bubbled down to a nearly tolerable state of rippling buzz, Zoro had watched as one by one the crew mates had given in to their emotions and finally let the smiles fall from their faces as they regarded the still smiling captain.

His smile hadn't faltered, hadn't lessened from its dazzling brightness, yet everyone still automatically _knew_. He wasn't the same. While they had been separated, unable to get to his side, Luffy had been put through an unbearable nightmare alone, with no comfort able to be given to him by his nakama.

Of _course_ he would be affected, of _course_ he would not be alright, but Zoro had never imagined him to be _this badly_ not alright.

"L-Luffy?" He stuttered, when the expression got too much and it hadn't morphed into Luffy's usual cheerfulness.

Something close to recognition suddenly filled Luffy's darkened eyes, and he instantly brought a quick smile to his face, the pain gone in a second. "_Shishishi_, sorry 'bout that, Zoro. Was thinking too hard." He dropped his hands back into the water and started popping the soap bubbles, the cheeky glint back once more in his eyes, though Zoro could feel different.

It was the same smile, same laugh, same face and same voice, and yet it wasn't the same. Just as Zoro had acquired a new scar that was accompanied by its own emotional baggage, Luffy had also acquired his own share of a scar, though it came with an emotional baggage that far surpassed the amount that Zoro wanted his captain to have, surpassed what he even considered tolerable.

It was then that he understood what Luffy had been trying to say about the scars.

Swallowing down any doubts about how _wrong_ what he was about to do was, he lifted a hand out to press lightly against Luffy's exposed chest, his fingers gently, more gentle than he had ever touched anything before in his life, pressing against the red star of a scar.

At the light touch, Luffy made a noise of shock, or perhaps even mild pain, which immediately had Zoro still, his one eye flashing to his captain's face to assess the damage. His wide, dark eyes and slightly open mouth, however, held nothing of displeasure, which encouraged Zoro to continue the exploration, albeit with a bit more confidence.

The scarred skin was tight and still unbelievably hot, seemingly humming through the glossy flesh, which slightly shocked Zoro. He had read the newspapers regarding the incident, had obsessed over it, so he knew the basic story of how Luffy had gotten the burn, had even begged Mihawk for any details.

Akainu, the brutally tough admiral marine that could turn any part of his body into magma and could burn anything in his path, including grieving, young pirates. His magma did not discriminate, and most definitely did not hold back on pirates whose mind had, by all reports, completely broken, if they were in its path. And Luffy had been unfortunate enough to be included in that bloody path.

Closing his eye, his whole hand now pressed tightly against the hot scar, Zoro felt anger roar through his body. He should have been there, should have tried harder to get there. If he had been there, maybe Luffy wouldn't have gotten that scar, maybe he wouldn't have hurt so badly. God_damnit_, he was the worst first mate in the history of first mates. He wasn't even able to be there to shield his captain when he was supposed to.

How embarrassingly shameful.

What was the point of chasing his dream and being by his captain's side forever if he couldn't even guarantee that?

"Zoro~!" Luffy sighed out, his own hand lifting to softly tap against Zoro's wrist. "Now _you're_ the one thinking too hard."

With his eye open, Zoro saw the smile that graced his captain's face, noticed the tightness that pulled at the edges of his mouth, tight with something Zoro infuriatingly couldn't identify. He really had been away from his captain for too long.

"Hmm." But he let go anyway, pulling away to lean against the side of the bath, one cool, grey eye steadily regarding the grinning boy in front of him.

Luffy's expression, after a second, crumbled into a thoughtful frown. "Neh, Zoro?"

A tightness instantly formed in Zoro's chest. _Neh, Zoro_'s never ended well.

Luffy, however, was completely oblivious of the uncomfortable feeling growing in his first mate in front of him. "Neh, Zoro, if I was... If I was the one that had been captured by the marines and was going to be executed instead of... Ace... Would you have done what I did?" If Zoro thought he had been shocked by Luffy for the last time that night, he was completely wrong.

The scenario ran through his head, the thought so painful and so entirely _excruciating_, that he was unable to say a word, body frozen and heart aching. If that had happened, Zoro would have been seething, completely and utterly so distressed, he would have laid down his life to reach his captain. He would have slain any marine and pirate alike that tried to get in his way.

He would have truly been the demon his reputation had deemed him to be.

Luffy, however, took the frozen and silent swordsman to be confused. "I mean, would you have saved me, Zoro?"

"Of course," Zoro replied, this time with no hesitation and a whole lot of conviction. "I would have done everything you did and more to get to your side, captain."

Luffy's answering grin was spectacular and so finally _Luffy_ that Zoro felt the worry he hadn't realised he'd been accumulating over his brooding captain release from his body as he sank lower into the cooling water.

This was what he had waited for, so impatiently. The smile that was the same. Because he understood what Luffy had said about his scars, he understood the look of agony and the lapse of confidence Luffy had shown him. He understood it all.

Lifting a finger, Zoro pressed it softly into Luffy's scar, lifting his other hand to touch a finger to his scarred eye. Luffy, once more, opened his eyes in shock, a wordless look of confusion filling his young yet seemingly old features.

"I understand," Zoro stated, simply. "It's the same, isn't it? It's the same, but it's not the same."

This time, when Luffy smiled, it was small yet somehow right. This time, when Luffy touched Zoro's wrist, it was to unclench his hand to press into his own, his rubber fingers massaging the fingers apart until he could slide them in-between them, a warmth radiating from his skin that instantly sent a jolt of heat to Zoro's chest. This time, Zoro didn't pull away, and this time... This time he smiled back.


End file.
